A More Sobering Reality.

Last year a women I worked with said THIS year was going to be my year of change, according to the Chinese Astrology, my sign (year of the rat- last year).
There is something to be said when a co worker will impose unsolicited advice and/or wisdom upon you, and have it come true.

How right she was.

You are now aware of the up coming changes in my life over the next 9 months. What I did not mention was how smoothly these transitions would NOT be.

My bestfriend is leaving her common-law spouse of 13 years. From day one I've never like this man. He made my skin crawl, and over the years, for good reason.  Without giving the specific details of her life, he is a very controlling, verbal, emotional, mental, and financial abusive man. Thats putting it kindly.

In the past two months, I've gone from feeling young at heart to very much an adult. With real issues. (indirectly)

Things are escalating the more this man realizes that all his bullying, abusive tactics have no effect on my friend. She is leaving and there is nothing he can do, say, threaten her with to change her mind.
They have 4 kids. 3 together, 1 from a previous relationship.

He has now gone from begging her to stay, to threatening her, to emotional blackmail.  He talks to the kids (well only two of them, the oldest doesnt care for him and the youngest doesnt care) and poisons their minds, calling their mother all sorts of names, in short turning her angels against her and into evil spawn. They are not outwardly hostile towards her.  This breaks my heart and their not even my kids. I can only imagine what this is doing to her... but the end result is the same. She is leaving. period.

Two of the 4 kids have chosen to stay with their dad, the oldest will move out after graduating highschool (in june) and the youngest will live with us at the end of the school year.

This man is mentally unstable, and although he hasnt laid his hands on her, yet, I foresee it happening and so does everyone else. I say this, cos now that he has no control over her, something in him is going to snap. Seriously snap.

As humiliating as it is for her to tell people she is not just leaving a relationship, she is leaving an abusive one. No more fake smiles, or excuses she is staying for the kids, etc. She's taking charge.
Although all the fakeness never worked to begin with, we all knew deep down.

Her employer knows, the kids schools, the ministry of family services is about to learn of it (to protect the kids in case of the "what if's ever happen) and the local police will become aware this week.
Only as a precaution.  Incase she starts to have "accidents" around the house, such as falling (being pushed) down stairs, falling on the ice, etc. So gawd forbid it happens, they are aware she was afraid and there will be no he said/she said.

She was/is willing to walk away with the clothes on her back, but he is even making that difficult.  I think he forgot the person he met 13 years ago, how strong she is and wont be pushed around when she's decided she's had enough. She is taking all the right steps to protect herself and the welfare of the kids even though two are deciding to stay.  Lawyered up, has the ministry and police and her support system are all aware of the situation.  He, however has no idea.

He "apparently" hired a private investigator to look into the infidelity he claiming and is relaying incorrect and malicious information. After researching this person myself with help of friends in that industry, I've learned a few things, and my friend is in the right to file a complaint with 'Security Programs Division' of the Solicitor General's office.

With all this going on, the complaints I had about my own life, love, money, career, etc all seem extremely petty.  Suddenly I'm feeling very grown up.
I'm not surprised at the lengths I'm willing to go to help my friend or protect her at all.
I just never thought it would come to this and the reality that it could/will get.much.worse, before it gets better.

He wants to play dirty, let him. We're taking the higher road and have all authorities, family, and friends we can involve. It's going to be a long fight, and in the end, she will win, if he doesnt put her life in danger first.


 To think, there are thousands of women out there who are going through this and worse, who stay for the children, make excuses and are not strong enough to leave. My heart goes out to them to give them strength.