Revised 40 before 40

I've had to revise this list.
Not only with doing so did I manage to come up with 40 things, I surpassed it and made 45.


In no particular order….and three years to get it done

1. Get a passport

2. Cook lasagna from scratch

3. Weigh in at 135 lbs.

4. Save up an emergency fund of $5000

5. Buy a newer car (mid SUV) within 6 years of the current year.

6. Move to the island

7. Buy a king size bed

8. Create Sunday dinners w/family/closest friends  Fail
9. Buy a Barbeque

10. Be part of a creative photo shoot. (July 2009)- Fail - opted out.

11. Get an enhanced drivers license

12. Learn to snowboard (I’ve lived in Vancouver my whole life never gone)*gasp*

13. Conquer the Grouse Grind again under 1.15 hours

14. Go snowshoeing

15. Spend considerable more time by the ocean.

16. Join a gym and attend (June 2,2009)

17. Buy my first set of golf clubs

18. Get my teeth whitened

19. Buy my first camera!!!

20. Learn about personal financing and get mine under control. Work in progress

21. Picnic more often, I'm surrounded by parks and ocean

22. Be a softer woman. Let men wear the pants and be men.

23. Go kayaking (again, surrounded by water, you'd think I'd be more active, use to be)

24. Buy all new camping gear  Fail

25. Gave me an idea for future entries.. list all my first date activies. Blog idea

26. Tell my friends/family I LOVE THEM at the end of EVERY phone call. (a contstant process)

27. Buy a printer/scanner for home

28. Go to the Cabin in Kitimat,BC (Sept 2009)

29. Be more consistent as a person. Manners, calmness etc.

30. Go to the dentist.
31. Update wardrobe to be more stylish/professional.

32. Make the effort to seriously smile more (whether its random or intentional)- Work In Progress

33. Donate blood more often.

34. Learn how to paint my apt.

35. Stop needing acceptance from my siblings

36. Do more things for myself that make me happy.

37. Improve my flexibility with yoga.

38. Do 10 full push ups in a row.

39. Love freely without the fear of being hurt.

40. Send post cards of Vancouver to family back east. (who doesn’t love getting post cards)

Spares

41. Build a network of professional contacts.

42. Take a photography class.

43. Frame pictures of family & friends.

44. Get my eyes examined.

45. File 2008 taxes

Leaving them behind...for now.

My b/f arrives Saturday.  6 more days, til she's free of the evil house, but thats 6 more days til she's away from her children for the next 7 months. (they will finish the school year then some if not all, will join us here)

Needless to say, she is a basket case.

I can not even begin to imagine what she must be going through. I mean, I know what it's like to deal with death, but that's permnant and you eventually come to grips with it.

She is leaving her children behind.  We chatted briefly late last night/early this morning, about how much fun she'll be once she's here. (joke)
I've told her that she will be able to see the kids everyday, via webcam chats, on msn or skype. 
Well I may have well been speaking german. She had no idea you could that kind of stuff.  That is the only thing right now that I know how to help curb the pain, even if it's ever so slightly.
And that's if her ex will let them. (he'd decline them to see her via cam just to spite her, cos he can)

I guess I should be prepared for the worse and adapt as best I can to help console her.

Anyone have any suggestions?

I've made room in the apt for her, the closets, the bathroom etc, getting some of her favorite comfort foods in the house, lots of wine and beer etc light fluff reading, favorite bath stuff.
 I'm going to safetly assume she will be useless for the first month.

I'll be doing all the cooking, cleaning etc, which is not an issue at all. I'm excellent at doting on people, but those who are unconsolable, is another story.

I guess it's all I can do right now to make sure she eats something and bathes.
Even if it means I have to do it for her.

I may lean on you dear readers for ideas, suggestions, or just an ear to vent too.

Abuse.

In 8 days my bestfriend will be here, forever.  So anxious for her arrival, that once she arrives I'm not even sure what to do with her. It will be anything but the usual roommate dynamics that is the norm.

I'm going to assume that once she's here I will have less time to blog, or will be blogging more often to vent about the proceedings in her life. (mmore positive from here on out)

She found the resources, strength, self respect to leave an abusive relationship. Spousal abusive on any level still seems to be a no-no to talk about.
Like somehow these women (and sometimes men) should be embarrassed and/or hide the abuse.

But I'm not one to listen to what others are doing and will post links, about it and anything else I want.

http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/fv-vf/facts-info/sa-vc.html
This is a great link from the Department of Justice of Canada on Spousal abuse- Fact sheet.
Read it. You'll be surprised at what you'll learn.

As women, I think we should be more educated in schools, work places, homes, friends, and family.
This is NOT a topic that should be romanticized.  It's real.
Unfortunately too real and more often than not, deadly for some.

There was a commercial about spousal abuse with Keira Knightley - Isn't it time someone called out?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/apr/02/keira-knightley-domestic-violence-ad

This Anti Abuse commercial was pulled from the airwaves for debates of being "too graphic".
ARE FRIGGIN KIDDING ME!? 
It needs to be made more publicly aware! I mean we out "johns" for paying for prostitutes, but hide abuse? Something seriously wrong with governments around the world for shoving this topic under the carpet.

To me it's more common sense is the more social aware people are on topics (of any kind) The more power/knowledge you give the public, the less likely these things will continue to happen. Thats my opinion.
I could be wrong and I'm sure it's easy for me to sit at my desk, bruised and emotionally free of any abuse, but I'm affected by it regardless, cos it's happening to those I'm close with.

My own mum (before I was born) was subject to a form of abuse, and I've grown up learning that should a man ever lay a hand on me, or try to belittle me in any way shape or form, to leave. Never look back.
Possessions are just that. Your life can not be replaced and the mental and emotional affects can last a life time that may result in that person self medicating, making poor decisions and worse, start to believe that the abuser was right or they deserved what they got.

I cant even begin to tell you how infuriating this is.  Why shouldn't people talk about it.
Yes it's embarrassing, but by not speaking out, you're only empowering the abuser.

If you know someone, be there for them, research the resources for them, send it to a private email, facebook account or something that the abuser can not obtain.

Think of abusers are criminals. They are. They are sneaky, munipulative, corrupt. Think of them as drug deals, cos they will go to no lengths to get their "fix" of infor that will fuel the next attack. Physical, emotional, economic (yes), financial, spiritual. There are so many forms of abuse aside from the physical.

Educate yourselves, sisters, brothers, parents, and children.

I'm reved up now, and will write more at a later time.

Feel free to share this entry.
All comments are welcome, none will be censored.

Guest Bloggers

For the next little bit, there will be some guest bloggers writting on this site.

CMcB and The Naked Redhead (http://www.thenakedredhead.com/) nope, still not porn.

Please welcome them and their unique styles. Nothing will be censored, they'll receive free range.

CMcB is a personal friend, spazzy in the best way, ex co worker, has a weakness for designer shoes, martini's,  boys and has serious baby fever!

TNR - is admired from afar for her snarky wit, fashion sense, has a small hate on for the sad kitten looking Julian Harris(Bachlorette), and encouraging words and her 30 before 30 list.
(seriously check out her first time experience waxing her no-no area) hahaahah "
Burns like ten thousand suns... but yet I feel so smooth"

Single-hood....again

I'm single again. Well I have always technically been single. 
I've been dating a man on and off for 13 years.
We have a lot of history where he's stepped up and been there for me.

We started out as roommates, as I watched him tell lies, cheat, munipulate multiple women at a time, and thought "this is a guy I never want to experience".

Then it happened. We started dating, and of course he cheated and I ended things, heart broken and devestated, cos I was sincerely into him. To him it was a game.
Although, I did learn in later years, he did care, but the drama that was our circle of friends at the time was the demise of us.

Over the years we find ourselves together for convience and comfort if not anything else. We're never exclusive, we're rarely in public together, and yet this arrangement works for me. Until now.

In the past few months, we're both offically single and have been going out in public on dates, meeting up with MY friends (his I hate- always have) and yes, I've found myself getting attached.

I've put this to bed last night.
Knowing he's got the best of both worlds, having his cake and eating it.
Never for a moment did I ever kid myself that he would change for me, if I did, then I would deserve what I got. 

I've told him I can no longer particapate in our arrangement that has worked so well for so long.
I like him. I want more.
Even if he agree'd to wanting more, I'd never be able to trust him. He cheats on.every.single.g/f.
He put a ring on the finger of his last g/f and still cheated on her while they lived together.

Seriously, I'm not foolish enough to fall for that or think he'd be any different.

He once said recently, he wanted us to be sexually exclusive but to date other people....
Can not even begin to tell you all the things wrong with that sentence.

I shed a a few tears, gave myself permission to be sad for a day, and now I'm over it.
But still in the back of my head, I wonder what keeps us coming back to each other over the last 13 years?

Has anyone ever been in this position? Mind says "HELL NO" but my heart still wants what it wants.

Thankfully my brain is the stronger of the two this time around.

A More Sobering Reality.

Last year a women I worked with said THIS year was going to be my year of change, according to the Chinese Astrology, my sign (year of the rat- last year).
There is something to be said when a co worker will impose unsolicited advice and/or wisdom upon you, and have it come true.

How right she was.

You are now aware of the up coming changes in my life over the next 9 months. What I did not mention was how smoothly these transitions would NOT be.

My bestfriend is leaving her common-law spouse of 13 years. From day one I've never like this man. He made my skin crawl, and over the years, for good reason.  Without giving the specific details of her life, he is a very controlling, verbal, emotional, mental, and financial abusive man. Thats putting it kindly.

In the past two months, I've gone from feeling young at heart to very much an adult. With real issues. (indirectly)

Things are escalating the more this man realizes that all his bullying, abusive tactics have no effect on my friend. She is leaving and there is nothing he can do, say, threaten her with to change her mind.
They have 4 kids. 3 together, 1 from a previous relationship.

He has now gone from begging her to stay, to threatening her, to emotional blackmail.  He talks to the kids (well only two of them, the oldest doesnt care for him and the youngest doesnt care) and poisons their minds, calling their mother all sorts of names, in short turning her angels against her and into evil spawn. They are not outwardly hostile towards her.  This breaks my heart and their not even my kids. I can only imagine what this is doing to her... but the end result is the same. She is leaving. period.

Two of the 4 kids have chosen to stay with their dad, the oldest will move out after graduating highschool (in june) and the youngest will live with us at the end of the school year.

This man is mentally unstable, and although he hasnt laid his hands on her, yet, I foresee it happening and so does everyone else. I say this, cos now that he has no control over her, something in him is going to snap. Seriously snap.

As humiliating as it is for her to tell people she is not just leaving a relationship, she is leaving an abusive one. No more fake smiles, or excuses she is staying for the kids, etc. She's taking charge.
Although all the fakeness never worked to begin with, we all knew deep down.

Her employer knows, the kids schools, the ministry of family services is about to learn of it (to protect the kids in case of the "what if's ever happen) and the local police will become aware this week.
Only as a precaution.  Incase she starts to have "accidents" around the house, such as falling (being pushed) down stairs, falling on the ice, etc. So gawd forbid it happens, they are aware she was afraid and there will be no he said/she said.

She was/is willing to walk away with the clothes on her back, but he is even making that difficult.  I think he forgot the person he met 13 years ago, how strong she is and wont be pushed around when she's decided she's had enough. She is taking all the right steps to protect herself and the welfare of the kids even though two are deciding to stay.  Lawyered up, has the ministry and police and her support system are all aware of the situation.  He, however has no idea.

He "apparently" hired a private investigator to look into the infidelity he claiming and is relaying incorrect and malicious information. After researching this person myself with help of friends in that industry, I've learned a few things, and my friend is in the right to file a complaint with 'Security Programs Division' of the Solicitor General's office.

With all this going on, the complaints I had about my own life, love, money, career, etc all seem extremely petty.  Suddenly I'm feeling very grown up.
I'm not surprised at the lengths I'm willing to go to help my friend or protect her at all.
I just never thought it would come to this and the reality that it could/will get.much.worse, before it gets better.

He wants to play dirty, let him. We're taking the higher road and have all authorities, family, and friends we can involve. It's going to be a long fight, and in the end, she will win, if he doesnt put her life in danger first.


 To think, there are thousands of women out there who are going through this and worse, who stay for the children, make excuses and are not strong enough to leave. My heart goes out to them to give them strength.

Huge change & adjustment happening 9 months from now.....

Pick your jaw up off the floor.

If any of you know me, in person or blog only, you’d know that I do not want children.
So to answer your question or insert disappointment upon you, no I am not pregnant.

However my life is changing right now, again in 2 months and more drastically 9 months from now.

Current Change:
Changing the dynamic of a long time friendship after recently being treated and dismissed like a second class friend. I’ll go into the details of it one day, but right now it’s entirely too fresh and sour to get into.
Short version – This person is no longer considered family to me. We’ll still be friends, just not extended family nor a priority friend.

2 month change:
My oldest and dearest friend is in the midst of a messing and hostile separation.
For her own sanity and to prevent injury against herself or her soon to be ex spouse, it’s best she move out immediately.  With that said she may obtain an apt where she is (costly) or move here in January and save money for the big move to follow in June. (She is currently in another province and time zone)

9 month change:
Oldest dearest friend, her 4 kids (maybe only two) and I will be living together in a 5 bedroom house.
I say maybe only two, cos at this point and time, we believe two of her four kids are going to opt to stay with their Dad.

I’m excited and nervous for this change. We have been planning house rules etc for the kids, our dating lives etc. Cos even though I’m not their parent or even an aunt by blood relation, what I do around them is still sending a message. So there will not be random men coming and going from the house, ever.
When male friends come to the house, they will have to act like gentlemen at all times.

The hardest part of the adjustment will be living with the kids.
Not for me, but for the kids and adjusting to the fact that I will have a say in no TV before homework is completed, temporary groundings until their mother gets home etc.
More of a temporary guardian than another parent.

Some of the general house rules that have/will be implemented (subject to change) will be:
-Dinner at the kitchen table every night unless special occasion or to lazy to argue with them.
-Schedule bedtimes during the school week.
-Games night once a month (maybe more).
-A closed bedroom door requires knocking first, no walking in. (for both adults and kids)
-Rotating chores for all the kids and adults. They’re at an age where they should have a part in the household chores.  (Dishes, vacuuming, garbage duty, cleaning bathroom and learning how to do laundry and asking if anyone has anything to add to make a full load)

This is great on paper, and I’m sure will change as we all adjust accordingly to the new living arrangements.
So this is the big change taking place in my life.

As hard and frustrating it will be at times, I’m optimistic for it and all the learning, growing, and adapting it will have to offer.